Why
Wait Until
Marriage
By Dale P. Kruse
The Bible states the following:
Ecclesiastes 10:8 "He who digs a pit will
fall into it, and whoever breaks a hedge a serpent will bite him."
Proverbs 26:27 "He who digs a pit will fall into it, and he
who rolls a stone, it will come back on him."
People ask the question "What causes demon
oppression? And worse possession?" Simply stated: rebellion against God’s Laws, especially
the
Ten Commandments and His will and plan for your life. Why?
God has a purpose and a plan for your life. This plan starts with your
coming to know Jesus Christ as Savior and Lord. How do you come to know God’s
will and plan for your life? Jesus said in John 14:6 "I-AM the way,
and the truth, and the life; no one comes to the Father, but through
Me." Jesus is the only one who knows the plans He has for you and the only way
you
can know that plan is by coming to Him to get it. Jesus said to
Pilate at his trial in John 18:37 "For this I have been born, and
for this I have come into the world, to BEAR WITNESS TO THE
TRUTH. Everyone who is of the truth HEARS MY VOICE.’"
So if you want to know the truth about yourself and His true will
and plan for your life, you have to come to your Creator Jesus to get it.
There is no other way.
What happens when you do not receive Jesus as
Savior and Lord and then do not seek His will and plan for your
life? James 4:7 states "Submit therefore to God, resist the devil,
and he will flee from you." You see, there is
only one place of protection from Satan and unclean
spirits and that is
in submission to Jesus’ will
and plan for your life. Only when you are
actively seeking Jesus’
will for your life through prayer and the reading of His Word on a
daily basis do you then have Jesus’ protection from unclean spirits.
God only protects those who want His will and then walk in it once
revealed. It is not
just about whether you are a good person or whether you give to
others, etcetera, it is about the fact He has a purpose and a plan
for your life. Only when you are actively seeking His will and plan
for your life and then walking in it do you then have Jesus’ protection
from unclean spirits. James 4:7 states "Submit therefore to God,
resist the devil, and he will flee from you."
When you knowingly disobey God and His
commandments you tell Jesus you do not want Him to reign over you.
Jesus respects your free will and backs off and takes His spiritual
protection with Him. Romans 1:28
states
"And just as they did not see fit to acknowledge God any longer, God
gave them up to a mind void of judgment, to do those things which
are not proper."
When that happens you are then at the mercy of
the biggest bully in the block: Satan, and those who serve him. Paul
wrote in Ephesians 2:1-3,
"And you were dead in your trespasses and sins,
in which you formerly walked according to the age of this world,
according to the prince of the power of the
air, of the spirit that is now working in the
sons of disobedience. Among them we
too all formerly lived in the lusts of our flesh, indulging the
desires of the flesh and the mind, and were by nature children of
wrath, even as the rest."
When you are knowingly outside of God’s will, you
are automatically under the power and control of Satan.
There is no middle ground.
How does that relate to having sex outside of
marriage? The Seventh Commandment states in Exodus 20:14 "You
shall not commit adultery." Adultery is having sexual intercourse
with someone who is not your husband or wife. When you disobey the
Lord His protective hedge around you is removed and you are then at
mercy with the strongest bully in the block:
Satan!
You see, you and I are not strong enough to fight
off Satan. Without the Lord you are absolutely under Satan’s control.
The only way to break free of His spiritual power and influence in your life
is by submitting yourself to Jesus. God says "No sex outside of
marriage!" Not all sins lead automatically to possession, however,
adultery and fornication do. If not repented of they also lead
to hell:
1 Corinthians 6:9-10 "Or do you not know
that the unrighteous shall not inherit the kingdom of God?
Do not be deceived; neither
fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor
effeminate, nor homosexuals, Nor thieves, nor the covetous, nor
drunkards, nor revilers, nor swindlers, shall inherit the kingdom
of God."
Revelation 21:8 "But for the cowardly and
unbelieving and abominable and murderers and
fornicating persons and sorcerers and idolaters and
all liars, their part will be in the lake
that burns with fire and brimstone, which is the second
death."
A second reason you do not want to have sex
outside of marriage is because when you do, your soul, your will
comes into bondage to lust. Lust is not from God. Lust is not love.
Lust seeks to satisfy self whereas love seeks to satisfy others.
Jesus gave up his earthly soul-life in order that you might be
saved and be able to develop and pursue the soul life Jesus has for
you to the fullest
throughout eternity.
The word for lust
in the greek is epithumia,
epiqumia,
and means with-authority-and-strong-passion-to-rush-against
with an irregular or violent desire. When you commit sexual
sin, spirits, demons, of lust and perversion possess and attach
themselves to you to then keep you in bondage to and obsessed with
pursuing and satisfying that lust. Suddenly, you cannot think about
anything else but satisfying that lust. Your will is in complete
bondage to lust. James wrote in James 1:13-15,
"Let no one say when he is tempted, ‘I am being
tempted by God’; for God cannot be tempted by evil, and he Himself
does not tempt anyone. But each one is tempted when he is carried
away and enticed by his own lust. Then when lust has conceived,
it gives birth to sin; and when sin is accomplished, it brings forth
death."
Death to the soul-life Jesus intended for you to
have. When that happens you find you cannot focus on pursuing the
purpose and plan Jesus has for your life because now your will is in
bondage to and obsessed with satisfying your lust. Proverbs 6:32
states "The one who commits adultery with a woman is lacking heart;
he who would destroy his soul does it." The person who does this
gives into the pursuit and satisfaction of their lust. He no longer
has control over his will, his heart, to put off the satisfaction of
this desire to focus on and develop first their abilities and
talents. The end result is they never discover who they are and
their talents and abilities are never developed because they were
instead in bondage to and pursuing the satisfaction of their lust.
Israel had this problem in the wilderness while waiting for God to
lead them into the promised land. They could not wait for God.
Therefore, the Psalmist wrote in Psalm 106:13-15,
"They quickly forgot His works; they did not wait
for His counsel, But craved intensely in the wilderness, and tempted
El [God] in the desert. So He gave them their request, but
sent leanness into their souls."
God gave them their request, but they found
themselves in the end empty and unsatisfied. The thing lacking in
our society today is character. It takes character to put one's lusts
aside so Jesus can develop their abilities and talents first. This
is part of what it means to seek Jesus’ kingdom first. But then what
is God’s promise:
Matthew 6:33 "But seek-continually first His
kingdom and His righteousness; and all
these things shall be added to you."
Psalm 37:4 "Delight yourself in Yehovah; and
He will give you the desires of your heart."
Who gives you the desire of your heart? You? No!
Jesus does. You focus on pursuing Him and His will and in His time,
when He is ready, He will give you the spouse He has created for
you. In testimony of my own life, what will that be like?
Psalm 16:11 "You will make known to me the path
of life; in Your presence is fullness of joy; In Your right hand
there are pleasures forever."
God desires to give you your desires, but first
you must seek His will and kingdom. When the time is right He, not
you, will satisfy your desires.
Another reason to wait until marriage to have sex
is because when a person has multiple partners, when he or she
finally gets married, what do they do? They are constantly comparing
their spouse with those other people they had sex with before they
were married. This then prevents and hinders intimacy. The person who had these multiple relationships finds they
cannot find satisfaction in their spouse. Sex is meant to be a
unique experience between the husband and wife alone. This means
that the only person they have sex with is there spouse and
therefore the only thing they have to compare it with is their
spouse. It is wonderful and it is heaven and there is no mental
memory baggage to compare it with which then hinders true intimacy.
Another reason
to wait until marriage is trust. The spouse who gave into
their desires outside of marriage has a hard time trusting their
spouse in marriage. They did not wait and they are convinced
you did not either and how do they know you are not still cheating
and lying to them now? Prayer, the Holy Spirit and time can
heal trust issues, but if you wait on the Lord to start with for the
right person at the right time in marriage before having sex, not
only is your faith and trust in God stronger but also your faith and
trust in each other is stronger because your spouse knows you waited
for them alone. Also, sex with your spouse becomes your unique
experience together and your sex is better because there are no past
experiences to compare your current experience with. It is
Yours and your spouse's alone. You trusted God and his time
for each other, therefore, you have no problem trusting each other.
Therefore, your sexual experience is even more wonderful since you
don't have any previous trust issues to haunt you in your
relationship with your spouse. The thing to remember is that
God created sex. His asking you to wait until after commitment
in marriage to have sex is not because He is trying to keep you from
having enjoyment in sex but to guarantee that you have the
greatest enjoyment and fulfillment in your sexual experience
possible with your spouse in marriage. God is not your enemy,
He is on your side.
Now confession of one’s sin and the blood of
Jesus will heal your past improprieties, but people who have had multiple
partners outside of marriage will tell you that they have an ongoing
battle blocking out those memories with previous partners while
having sex with the husband or wife they are now married to. When
God says sex only in marriage and in His time with the spouse He has
for you, He doesn’t say this to be cruel or to prevent you from
having good sex in marriage, He gave this commandment to assure you
maximum experience and pleasure in sex in marriage.
The question you have to ask yourself is do you
want maximum fulfilled sex in marriage with Your spouse, or do you
want to satisfy your desire now and be fighting later these memories
when trying to have (and note the word trying, not having)
satisfying intimate sex with your spouse in marriage? Paul wrote in
Galatians 6:7-8,
"Do not be deceived, God is not mocked; for
whatever a man sows, this he will also reap. For the one who sows to
his own flesh shall from the flesh reap corruption, but the one who
sows to the Spirit shall from the Spirit reap eternal life."
Jesus said in Matthew 16:24-26,
"If anyone wishes to come after Me, let him deny
himself, and take up his cross, and follow Me. For whoever wishes to
save his soul shall lose it; but whoever loses his soul for My sake
shall find it. For what will a man be profited, if he gains the
whole world, and forfeits his soul? Or what will a man give in
exchange for his soul?’"
Marriage is the coming together of two souls and
becoming one person. Only two souls who know who they are and have
waited for the right person and sex after marriage know how
fulfilling marriage and sex in marriage can be. Those who satisfy
their desire before marriage and rush into marriage before Jesus’
time for them and before finding the soul life Jesus wants them to
have, find themselves unsatisfied, not happy and their souls lean.
This is what Jesus means by losing one’s soul: He means to set aside
ones own desires now to allow Jesus to do the spiritual work, the
soul work, in their lives He desires to do until it is His time to
give them the spouse He has for them who will compliment those
talents and abilities He has given them. Thus, they find their
true soul and happiness and satisfaction in marriage. It is better
to be married in Jesus’ best time ten years later than to be married
now to satisfy your lust and spend your soul life empty and not
knowing who you are. Just think of all the abuses in marriages that
take place that are the result of people who are frustrated because
they do not know who they are and are taking it out on their family.
It is a matter of faith. Faith means trust, trust
in God. You must choose by faith to believe God loves you and wants
what is best for you. How do you do that?
First, if you do not know Jesus, pray and invite
Him into your heart as Savior from your sins and as Lord of Your
life, submit yourself to Jesus.
Pray like this:
Jesus, I confess to You that I am a sinner and
repent of my known sins. I ask You now to come into my heart as
Savior from my sins and as Lord of my life. Heavenly Father, thank
You for forgiving my sins through Your Son’s death and shed blood on
the cross and that I now have eternal life. Now take control of my
life, and through Your Holy Spirit lead me into your will and plan
for my life; in Lord Jesus Christ of Nazareth’s name, amen.
Second,
If you have had sex outside of marriage, confess your known sexual
sins to God. Thank Him for forgiving you according to 1 John 1:9
"If we confess our sins, He is faithful and righteous to forgive us
our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness."
Third,
ask Jesus to cleanse you with His blood from these past sins and
from unclean spirits related. Exercise your authority as a believer
in Jesus. Jesus said in Luke 10:19 "Behold, I have given you
authority over all the power of the enemy and to tread upon serpents
and scorpions, and nothing shall injure you." Pray like this:
In the name and the blood of Jesus Christ of
Nazareth, Satan!, I bind you and all unclean spirits of lust and
perversion. In Jesus’ name I bind you and command you to be gone
forever!
Jesus, I now ask you to cleanse with Your blood
my memory of these past sins and to seal this doorway with your
blood.
Now accept, whether you feel it or not, that it
is done and show your faith in God’s word by thanking Him that you
are clean and free of these unclean spirits. It is by faith, not by
feelings. Feelings are an organ of the soul, not the Spirit. Hebrews
11:6 states "And without faith it is impossible to please Him, for
he who comes to God must believe that He is, and that He is a
rewarder of those who seek Him."
Fourth,
give your desire for a spouse to Jesus. Pray like this:
Jesus, I believe that you love me and want
what is best for me when it is best for me and Your Kingdom.
Therefore, I give my desire for a spouse to You to fufill in Your
time and in the mean time I ask You to lead me into the soul
development and life You created me to have. I do this by faith in
Jesus’ name, amen.
If you have not already done so, I encourage you
to read my article titled
How to Find the Mate God Has for You.
I also encourage you to read my articles on
Spiritual Warfare. |