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Marriage Counseling

Why Wait Until Marriage

By Dale P. Kruse

The Bible states the following:

Ecclesiastes 10:8 "He who digs a pit will fall into it, and whoever breaks a hedge a serpent will bite him."

Proverbs 26:27 "He who digs a pit will fall into it, and he who rolls a stone, it will come back on him."

People ask the question "What causes demon oppression?  And worse possession?" Simply stated: rebellion against Godís Laws, especially the Ten Commandments and His will and plan for your life. Why?  God has a purpose and a plan for your life. This plan starts with your coming to know Jesus Christ as Savior and Lord. How do you come to know Godís will and plan for your life? Jesus said in John 14:6 "I-AM the way, and the truth, and the life; no one comes to the Father, but through Me." Jesus is the only one who knows the plans He has for you and the only way you can know that plan is by coming to Him to get it. Jesus said to Pilate at his trial in John 18:37 "For this I have been born, and for this I have come into the world, to BEAR WITNESS TO THE TRUTH. Everyone who is of the truth HEARS MY VOICE.í" So if you want to know the truth about yourself and His true will and plan for your life, you have to come to your Creator Jesus to get it. There is no other way.

What happens when you do not receive Jesus as Savior and Lord and then do not seek His will and plan for your life? James 4:7 states "Submit therefore to God, resist the devil, and he will flee from you." You see, there is only one place of protection from Satan and unclean spirits and that is in submission to Jesusí will and plan for your life. Only when you are actively seeking Jesusí will for your life through prayer and the reading of His Word on a daily basis do you then have Jesusí protection from unclean spirits. God only protects those who want His will and then walk in it once revealed. It is not just about whether you are a good person or whether you give to others, etcetera, it is about the fact He has a purpose and a plan for your life. Only when you are actively seeking His will and plan for your life and then walking in it do you then have Jesusí protection from unclean spirits. James 4:7 states "Submit therefore to God, resist the devil, and he will flee from you."

When you knowingly disobey God and His commandments you tell Jesus you do not want Him to reign over you. Jesus respects your free will and backs off and takes His spiritual protection with Him.  Romans 1:28 states "And just as they did not see fit to acknowledge God any longer, God gave them up to a mind void of judgment, to do those things which are not proper."

When that happens you are then at the mercy of the biggest bully in the block: Satan, and those who serve him. Paul wrote in Ephesians 2:1-3,

"And you were dead in your trespasses and sins, in which you formerly walked according to the age of this world, according to the prince of the power of the air, of the spirit that is now working in the sons of disobedience. Among them we too all formerly lived in the lusts of our flesh, indulging the desires of the flesh and the mind, and were by nature children of wrath, even as the rest."

When you are knowingly outside of Godís will, you are automatically under the power and control of Satan. There is no middle ground.

How does that relate to having sex outside of marriage? The Seventh Commandment states in Exodus 20:14 "You shall not commit adultery." Adultery is having sexual intercourse with someone who is not your husband or wife. When you disobey the Lord His protective hedge around you is removed and you are then at mercy with the strongest bully in the block: Satan!

You see, you and I are not strong enough to fight off Satan. Without the Lord you are absolutely under Satanís control. The only way to break free of His spiritual power and influence in your life is by submitting yourself to Jesus. God says "No sex outside of marriage!" Not all sins lead automatically to possession, however, adultery and fornication do.  If not repented of they also lead to hell:

1 Corinthians 6:9-10 "Or do you not know that the unrighteous shall not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived; neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor effeminate, nor homosexuals, Nor thieves, nor the covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor swindlers, shall inherit the kingdom of God."

Revelation 21:8 "But for the cowardly and unbelieving and abominable and murderers and fornicating persons and sorcerers and idolaters and all liars, their part will be in the lake that burns with fire and brimstone, which is the second death."

A second reason you do not want to have sex outside of marriage is because when you do, your soul, your will comes into bondage to lust. Lust is not from God. Lust is not love. Lust seeks to satisfy self whereas love seeks to satisfy others. Jesus gave up his earthly soul-life in order that you might be saved and be able to develop and pursue the soul life Jesus has for you to the fullest throughout eternity.

The word for lust in the greek is epithumia, epiqumia, and means with-authority-and-strong-passion-to-rush-against with an irregular or violent desire. When you commit sexual sin, spirits, demons, of lust and perversion possess and attach themselves to you to then keep you in bondage to and obsessed with pursuing and satisfying that lust. Suddenly, you cannot think about anything else but satisfying that lust. Your will is in complete bondage to lust.  James wrote in James 1:13-15,

"Let no one say when he is tempted, ĎI am being tempted by Godí; for God cannot be tempted by evil, and he Himself does not tempt anyone. But each one is tempted when he is carried away and enticed by his own lust. Then when lust has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and when sin is accomplished, it brings forth death."

Death to the soul-life Jesus intended for you to have. When that happens you find you cannot focus on pursuing the purpose and plan Jesus has for your life because now your will is in bondage to and obsessed with satisfying your lust. Proverbs 6:32 states "The one who commits adultery with a woman is lacking heart; he who would destroy his soul does it." The person who does this gives into the pursuit and satisfaction of their lust. He no longer has control over his will, his heart, to put off the satisfaction of this desire to focus on and develop first their abilities and talents. The end result is they never discover who they are and their talents and abilities are never developed because they were instead in bondage to and pursuing the satisfaction of their lust. Israel had this problem in the wilderness while waiting for God to lead them into the promised land. They could not wait for God.  Therefore, the Psalmist wrote in Psalm 106:13-15,

"They quickly forgot His works; they did not wait for His counsel, But craved intensely in the wilderness, and tempted El [God] in the desert. So He gave them their request, but sent leanness into their souls."

God gave them their request, but they found themselves in the end empty and unsatisfied. The thing lacking in our society today is character. It takes character to put one's lusts aside so Jesus can develop their abilities and talents first. This is part of what it means to seek Jesusí kingdom first. But then what is Godís promise:

Matthew 6:33 "But seek-continually first His kingdom and His righteousness; and all these things shall be added to you."

Psalm 37:4 "Delight yourself in Yehovah; and He will give you the desires of your heart."

Who gives you the desire of your heart? You? No! Jesus does. You focus on pursuing Him and His will and in His time, when He is ready, He will give you the spouse He has created for you. In testimony of my own life, what will that be like?

Psalm 16:11 "You will make known to me the path of life; in Your presence is fullness of joy; In Your right hand there are pleasures forever."

God desires to give you your desires, but first you must seek His will and kingdom. When the time is right He, not you, will satisfy your desires.

Another reason to wait until marriage to have sex is because when a person has multiple partners, when he or she finally gets married, what do they do? They are constantly comparing their spouse with those other people they had sex with before they were married. This then prevents and hinders intimacy. The person who had these multiple relationships finds they cannot find satisfaction in their spouse. Sex is meant to be a unique experience between the husband and wife alone. This means that the only person they have sex with is there spouse and therefore the only thing they have to compare it with is their spouse. It is wonderful and it is heaven and there is no mental memory baggage to compare it with which then hinders true intimacy.

Another reason to wait until marriage is trust.  The spouse who gave into their desires outside of marriage has a hard time trusting their spouse in marriage.  They did not wait and they are convinced you did not either and how do they know you are not still cheating and lying to them now?  Prayer, the Holy Spirit and time can heal trust issues, but if you wait on the Lord to start with for the right person at the right time in marriage before having sex, not only is your faith and trust in God stronger but also your faith and trust in each other is stronger because your spouse knows you waited for them alone.  Also, sex with your spouse becomes your unique experience together and your sex is better because there are no past experiences to compare your current experience with.  It is Yours and your spouse's alone.  You trusted God and his time for each other, therefore, you have no problem trusting each other.  Therefore, your sexual experience is even more wonderful since you don't have any previous trust issues to haunt you in your relationship with your spouse.  The thing to remember is that God created sex.  His asking you to wait until after commitment in marriage to have sex is not because He is trying to keep you from having enjoyment in sex but to guarantee that you have the greatest enjoyment and fulfillment in your sexual experience possible with your spouse in marriage.  God is not your enemy, He is on your side.

Now confession of oneís sin and the blood of Jesus will heal your past improprieties, but people who have had multiple partners outside of marriage will tell you that they have an ongoing battle blocking out those memories with previous partners while having sex with the husband or wife they are now married to. When God says sex only in marriage and in His time with the spouse He has for you, He doesnít say this to be cruel or to prevent you from having good sex in marriage, He gave this commandment to assure you maximum experience and pleasure in sex in marriage.

The question you have to ask yourself is do you want maximum fulfilled sex in marriage with Your spouse, or do you want to satisfy your desire now and be fighting later these memories when trying to have (and note the word trying, not having) satisfying intimate sex with your spouse in marriage? Paul wrote in Galatians 6:7-8,

"Do not be deceived, God is not mocked; for whatever a man sows, this he will also reap. For the one who sows to his own flesh shall from the flesh reap corruption, but the one who sows to the Spirit shall from the Spirit reap eternal life."

Jesus said in Matthew 16:24-26,

"If anyone wishes to come after Me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross, and follow Me. For whoever wishes to save his soul shall lose it; but whoever loses his soul for My sake shall find it. For what will a man be profited, if he gains the whole world, and forfeits his soul? Or what will a man give in exchange for his soul?í"

Marriage is the coming together of two souls and becoming one person. Only two souls who know who they are and have waited for the right person and sex after marriage know how fulfilling marriage and sex in marriage can be. Those who satisfy their desire before marriage and rush into marriage before Jesusí time for them and before finding the soul life Jesus wants them to have, find themselves unsatisfied, not happy and their souls lean. This is what Jesus means by losing oneís soul: He means to set aside ones own desires now to allow Jesus to do the spiritual work, the soul work, in their lives He desires to do until it is His time to give them the spouse He has for them who will compliment those talents and abilities He has given them.  Thus, they find their true soul and happiness and satisfaction in marriage. It is better to be married in Jesusí best time ten years later than to be married now to satisfy your lust and spend your soul life empty and not knowing who you are. Just think of all the abuses in marriages that take place that are the result of people who are frustrated because they do not know who they are and are taking it out on their family.

It is a matter of faith. Faith means trust, trust in God. You must choose by faith to believe God loves you and wants what is best for you. How do you do that? First, if you do not know Jesus, pray and invite Him into your heart as Savior from your sins and as Lord of Your life, submit yourself to Jesus. Pray like this:

Jesus, I confess to You that I am a sinner and repent of my known sins. I ask You now to come into my heart as Savior from my sins and as Lord of my life. Heavenly Father, thank You for forgiving my sins through Your Sonís death and shed blood on the cross and that I now have eternal life. Now take control of my life, and through Your Holy Spirit lead me into your will and plan for my life; in Lord Jesus Christ of Nazarethís name, amen.

Second, If you have had sex outside of marriage, confess your known sexual sins to God. Thank Him for forgiving you according to 1 John 1:9 "If we confess our sins, He is faithful and righteous to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness."

Third, ask Jesus to cleanse you with His blood from these past sins and from unclean spirits related. Exercise your authority as a believer in Jesus. Jesus said in Luke 10:19 "Behold, I have given you authority over all the power of the enemy and to tread upon serpents and scorpions, and nothing shall injure you." Pray like this:

In the name and the blood of Jesus Christ of Nazareth, Satan!, I bind you and all unclean spirits of lust and perversion. In Jesusí name I bind you and command you to be gone forever!

Jesus, I now ask you to cleanse with Your blood my memory of these past sins and to seal this doorway with your blood.

Now accept, whether you feel it or not, that it is done and show your faith in Godís word by thanking Him that you are clean and free of these unclean spirits. It is by faith, not by feelings. Feelings are an organ of the soul, not the Spirit. Hebrews 11:6 states "And without faith it is impossible to please Him, for he who comes to God must believe that He is, and that He is a rewarder of those who seek Him."

Fourth, give your desire for a spouse to Jesus. Pray like this:

Jesus, I believe that you love me and want what is best for me when it is best for me and Your Kingdom. Therefore, I give my desire for a spouse to You to fufill in Your time and in the mean time I ask You to lead me into the soul development and life You created me to have. I do this by faith in Jesusí name, amen.

If you have not already done so, I encourage you to read my article titled How to Find the Mate God Has for You. I also encourage you to read my articles on Spiritual Warfare.

Marriage Counseling
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